Troy H. Jones

Fathers day is actually a bit painful for me. I am not sure if painful is the right word. But there is a loneliness and ache that is real.   It makes me understand I miss having a dad growing up.  Only time I ever saw my biological father is when I was 21. He slammed the door on my face.

This day also reminds me some core men in my life that shaped my life. I want to say Happy Fathers day to them. God has been faithful to me to bring many Godly men who in my heart I call “dad”

• Rick Ross—thank you for being my spiritual father in the faith.  I will forever honor the role and influence you had and are having on me. You taught me how to be a man and leader.  Happy Father’s day
• Warren Hassel —in my early 20’s my mom married an incredible man named Warren Hassel.  He had never been married and had no kids.  We become close.  He adopted me at the age 22.  I love this man.  Warren passed away a couple of years ago.  I am looking at a picture of Warren in my den.  My true dad. (many of you don’t know—my true name is Troy Hassel Jones. 
• Larry Curry.  Over the last 20 years Jana’s dad has become a Father to me. I love and respect him.  Happy Father’s day dad.  You have been a real man to me.
• Bill Dolleman.  Many men in the church have invested in my life. I often think of Bill Dolleman.  He took me under his wings and showed me what true marriage and fatherhood  is all about.  Today Bill is our vice chair of the board of New Life. I love this man.
• There are so many other men who have played influenced my life.  I thank God for the body of Christ. Men who taught me how to live for Jesus and love my wife.

 Yes, Father’s Day is painful for me.  But—really I am one of the most blessed men alive.  I have core men in my life that have really showed me what a man is.  I thank God for these men.

Because of God’s grace and the influence of these men—I have broken the generation curse over my life.  I am thankful to God and these men!

Every week (or most weeks) I take a moment to share what is on my heart.  Everything from what is happening at New Life, our culture, in my life and just random stuff.  I call this “New Life Ramblings”.  Enjoy! Feel free to respond back!  Give input!  Ask questions!  Grab a cup of coffee and catch up on what is going on in my mind. 

• This Sunday we begin a new series called “Taken”.  I am so pumped.  We are going to talk about fighting for this generation.
• Read Matthew 18:1-10 to prepare for Sunday.
• Our Membership Orientation is this Sunday at 5:00 PM.  This is chance to hear the heart of New Life. You don’t want to miss it. Click here to sign up.
• In a couple of weeks we are adding a third lane to exit our property on 152^nd.  This will make significant improvements on Sunday!
• 32 Sundays left in this building.  Our move-in date is Sunday, April 4.  (Easter 2010)
• We sent out the Big Give Commitment card.  I would love to receive these by Sunday, Sept 6. (mail them to me or turn in giving kiosk)
• By age 60, most people have lost half their taste buds.
• If you have a twitter account, follow me.
• We must fight for this generation.  Every parent, grandparent, uncle, niece, school teacher, brother or sister, coach, mentor-every adult in our church—God wants to rock your world these next few Sundays. 
• Here is my prayer—help us fight with passion for this generation. Help us decide to parent, not delegate.   We repent for being passive.  Put in our hearts a passion for this generation.
• Go to our web site and check out our promo video.  Warning—it is emotional and stirring.  But this fight is emotional.  No apologies.
• New Life, I need you to pray.  On November 1^st I am trusting God for 60 people to give $10,000 to help us finish phase 1.  (a bunch will give less–a handful of people will give more)
• I met with the Elders this week.  I presented some thoughts I felt like God was saying to me. It was a divine moment with our Elders.  They confirm in my heart some of the new things God is speaking to me.  This fall I will be sharing a message called “iGrow”.  This may be the most important series I have ever preached. God has called the Church to fill the pews…he has called us to make disciples.
• Sept 13 is our “writing on the wall” day at New Life.  We are going to write names of people on the wall we want to see come to Jesus through this new building.

Today my daughter turns 16.  At key milestones in my two daughters life I have done significant things to mark these days.  Ages 13, 16 and 18 I have paused as there dad and provided significant moments for my girls. (example: At 13 I  took them both out and we signed a contract called the “heart promise” and I gave them a purity ring)

Chelsey turning 16 is one of those moments.  We invited a handful of adults who have impacted her life.  I had three key ladies, who have shaped Chelsey life,  say words of wisdom over her.  Then Jeremy Johnson spoke a pastoral blessing over her.  Then as her dad–I read a letter to her (see below) and prayed over her.  Wow!  What an amazing evening.  

Here is the letter I wrote for my daughter. 

Chelsey Jones Your 16^th Birthday

I have all types of emotions and so many things to say to you as you turn 16.   I have narrowed it down to really a brief statement—a statement that summarizes all my emotions—I am proud of you!  That’s it. You couldn’t make your dad any more proud.  You are an amazing person!  You are an amazing daughter. 

I am proud of the way you  stand for Jesus.  I know this has been tough for you at times.   You have lost some friends because of your heart for God.  You have spent some lonely nights.   I am proud of you as your dad.

I am proud of the way you  problem solve and think.  You are a good thinker.  You always have 10 options to solve one problem. You are persistent and determined.  “No” isn’t in your vocabulary.

 I am proud of the way you just love life.  You live to the fullest.  You chase your dreams.  Your attitude is one of a kind.

I am proud of your attitude and approach with you with your relationship with guys.  I have made a commitment to pray for your future husband—you have made a commitment to walk in purity and honesty.    You  are on the right path.   Stand strong my daughter.  I know temptation will come to lower your standards.  Don’t!  God will honor your character and integrity.  You know who you are and will not compromise!  For this I am proud.

I am proud of you for taking risk. You  have never back down to risk.  From a little girl you jumped on stage and said, “yes”.  (I had to quickly learned not to jump on stage with you and give you a bear—that  is another story).  You have taken risk with drama, volleyball, dance, worship leading and preaching.  You  have courage and tenacity. It takes a lot of guts to stand in front of people and preach and let everyone give their opinion. I am proud of you.  

 I am proud of the way you worship.  Every once in a while I peek in church and watch you  worship.  It  brings joy to my heart to see your heart for Jesus. 

I am  proud of the way you  are so sentimental.  People mean the world to you.  Friends go deep with you.  Family is foundational to you.  People who don’t know you—don’t get this part about you.  I do. You have a tender heart!  Don’t ever lose this.

I am proud of you because you are so crazy.  Sometimes “random” but crazy.  You are the one to say Yes when your dad says, “let’s go to Disneyland again”…it was late…that young couple on splash mountain  will never forget the “Troy and Chelsey” team.

 When I think about your future—all I can say—I’m proud to be your dad.  Full of potential.  Full of life.  Full of joy.  Full of Jesus.

 The Bible says, “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man”  Before my very eyes you are growing in wisdom, stature and favor with God and man. 

I pray the favor of the Lord on you.  I pray the favor of God during your last two years of High School. I pray the favor of the Lord on your college years.  I pray the favor of the Lord on your future husband.  I pray the favor  of the Lord on every decision you make. I pray the favor of the Lord on every gift God as given you. 

 My daughter—walk in the favor of the Lord.  Love Jesus.  Love others.  Keep being crazy! 

 I’m proud of you!  

 Your dad!

It is valentines day this Saturday.   I was listening to KVI and they asked the question, “why would I remarry my wife again?”  They are having some kind of contest. 

I wrote this up.   I know this sounds cheesy.  But, I want the world to know how much I love my wife. 

Here is how I would answer this question

Very few people can look into the mirror of their soul and say, “the decision I made 20 years ago—I would do it again and again”  I  was 22.  She was 19.  We were kids.  We were in love.  Now I look back and ask myself “would I remarry this gal again?” The answer is a resounding yes. 

Why?  Very difficult to put into words. 

Jana is beautiful from the inside out.  I can honestly say every day I know my wife she gets more and more beautiful.  She is a drop dead gorgeous lady on the outside.  But, her outside is only the beginning.  Her beauty goes deep inside.  She is full of life and love.

Jana is my friend and my lover. My best friend.  My only lover.  We have built a great family together.  We aren’t rich, but we are rich.  We have two kids together. We were husband and wife before we were dad and mom.  Our marriage is the foundation of our family.

Jana is the most sincere person I know.  I really mean this.  She cares deeply.  She feels sincerely.

Many women do noble things in this life-but my wife surpasses them all. There is no one on earth like her. 

I am a better man because of her!  She teaches me.  She loves me.  She cares for me.  My wife allows me to be human—but doesn’t allow me to settle for status quo.  I am respected in my job and this community because of her character and life.

I honor my  wife.  The greatest gift God ever gave me is  my wife.  We are parnters— yet individuals.  We are lovers—yet friends.  We are no longer kids—but young at heart. 

She is  my wife.  Today, tomorrow—until death do us part!

 It is hard to believe I have an 18 year old in my house. My daughter, my little girl…the joy of my life. When Kaylee turned 13 took her out to a nice restaurant and gave her a purity ring. At 16 we did a big party on a boat with her friends. Now she is 18. Talk about an emotional time for me. I bought her a diamond journey pennant. Then we went out to have some Mexican food together. I wrote down 18 thoughts for her18th birthday. I put this on nice paper and read these to her after dinner.

With her permission I am posting them.

1. I am proud of you

2. The good thing about turning 18— You are now considered an adult, and GET to make your own decisions. The bad thing about turning 18—You are now considered an adult, and HAVE to make your own decisions.

3. I am giving you a “journey” necklace. I want you to know I respect your journey of becoming a woman of God. I want to give you the proper space for your journey—yet the proper direction.

4. Remember—no matter what man comes in your life—you are always my date on New Years day

5. I meet your mother when she was 18. Your mother is the most Godly person I know.

6. At the age 18 I was a senior at Liberty High School—getting excited about going to Northwest University, had no money, preached my first sermon, working as a Janitor at New Life and excited about the future.

7. I still remember the first day I dropped you off at Northwood Junior High. You are growing up. But you will always be my little girl!

8. Take our teddy bear everywhere you go (he is heavy..but cute)

9. Thank God cleaning your room isn’t a sign of becoming an adult

10. Thank you for listening during our family times—I know you struggled with this. But deep inside you really do like it.

11. I know you had way to many youth pastors. Look at the bright side—they may all make your wedding one day (and hopefully get you a gift)

12. Remember the purity ring I gave you, my daughter. Purity is a lifetime pursuit. You have pursued purity as a teenager. I am proud of this. Now commit as an adult. Don’t drift for a moment.

13. How many car accidents did you get in?

14. I don’t want to count how much money I spent on your cell phone. One day this will be your bill.

15. Every penny you make—tithe 10%, save 10% and buy your daddy something

16. You are gorgeous on the outside and inside. I pray that falsehood and lies would be kept far from you.

17. More than likely your future husband is alive somewhere on this planet. I pray God would direct you to him, I pray you would seek God to know who this is, I pray that your marriage wouldn’t come to quickly…but in God’s timing

18. Kaylee my greatest piece of advice– Above all else—guard your heart my daughter. Don’t let sin enter, greed take over or people embitter you I pray your heart would be tender for God and people

Over the past 12 months I have been working  off and on what I am calling “10 guardrails for leaders”.  I have been thinking, reflecting and pondering these.    I have lived by these for years.  I am not a legalistic person.  But, when it comes to the opposite sex I think we have to be. I  have reflected, rewrote, deleted and added.  I have asked, “how do you create some healthy guidelines without being legalistic?”  “Is this the job of the lead pastor to provide these for the staff?”.  “How  far do you  go?”(I am considering implenting these guardrails for  all staff at New Life.)

A guardrail is a rail acting as a safety barrier at the side of a freeway, highway, road, or ship’s deck. 

In today’s world we need safety barriers.  In the day of text, facebook and emails…we need to be ok with creating some personal legalism.  Agree? Disagree?  Is this the job  of a lead pastor to provide guardrails like this?

Is  this to far?  Am  I missing something?  Are there ”rules” on this list that you think are not realistic?  If so, which  ones?  Do these guardrails stifle ministry or empower ministry? I would love to hear your observations

We have talked about this as a team.  We haven’t  100% adopted these guidelines.

Is this over reacting or providing great leadership?  Curious to hear your input.

1. Thou shalt never be alone with the opposite sex for any reason other than family members. (pick you up, drive you, eating at restaurant, etc)
2. Thou shalt only show affection to the opposite sex that is done with “absolute purity” 
   (1 Timothy 5: 1-2 “Appropriate hugging and touching”)
3. Thou shalt not access the internet without using “Covenant Eyes” or having someone in the room with you. (office, home, library, hotel, etc)
4. Thou shalt use Godly wisdom when communicating with the opposite sex on emails, text, facebook, MySpace, blog, twitter, instant messages, chat rooms or any other form of technology.
5. Thou shalt CC or BCC your spouse or assistant on emails to the opposite sex that  contains any  information that would be personal in nature (prayer requests, personal encouragement, etc)
6. Thou shalt not have the opposite sex in your office alone without the blinds opened and someone else in the office complex. 
7. Thou shalt not counsel or meet with the opposite sex more than once without that person’s spouse. Refer them.
8. Thou shalt avoid obscenity, foolish talk and coarse joking. (Ephesians 5:4)
9. Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with the opposite sex.
10. Thou shalt not pray with the opposite sex alone.  Simply ask someone to join you in prayer.   

Obviously there are rare exception’s to these guardrails.  We have unmarried staff.  Guardrail one wouldn’t apply in this situation.  Although if they are dating we have another whole set of guardrails that is for another conversation. 

Love to hear your honest perspective on these…

Ok, I am on a personal crusade.  I am sick of Christ followers having bumper stickes that say, “Jesus is the reason for the season”  I like and agree with the statement.  Here is my problem…what difference does Jesus make during this Chistmas season for you?  Another way to put this question—what is one thing you are doing this Christmas season to remember the Christ child?  Be honest..just name one thing?

Here is my personal challlenge and crusade I am on—I want to challenge you to read the Christmas story as a family on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.  I know this doesn’t solve every problem.  But, it is a step. I would love to  see 100 families or even 1,000 families  commit this year to reading the Christmas story.

Will you take this challenge?  I would love to hear from you. 

I have discovered people need very practical advice when doing something of this nature.  So here are some practical tips to make this happen.

• Attention men.  You take the lead.  You may be a grandfater, father, oldest child, oldest uncle—I don’t know.  But you take the lead.  For those single moms obvioulsy you need to step up if you don’t have a male in your family to do this. I know this takes guts.  I know it feels uncomfortable.  Break through this. I would rather preach to a couple of thousand than read to my family of 4.  But, they need me to step up.
• Ladies—allow the men to lead.  Don’t make him feel uncomfortable.  He won’t do it the way you do it the way you do it.  This is good.  You don’t want him to be a female.  You want him to be a man.  Allow him to step up in his own way.
• I would suggest either Luke 2:8-14 or Luke 2:1-20.  You don’t need to read a bunch.  Only a few scriptures.
• Read the text a couple of times before reading it outloud to your family
• Don’t  make this into a Bible study
• When you read the Christmas story—don’t make comments. None.  Just read.  Let your family here the Word of God. 
• I suggest the NIV…however you may want to look at the message Bible or some other version. 
• Read the story “before” or “after” something.   Say something like this, “before we eat dinner on Christmas eve let’s read the Christmas story together” or “before we open the first gifts….” or “before we have breakfast”.  “After we open the stockings”  
• Don’t make this long.  No more than 5-7 minutes.  Read the Scripture and say a quick prayer over the family.
• Once you decide “when” do it.  When the time arrives just speak up and say, “hey let’s read the Christmas story together.  It will only take a few moments:
• After you are done reading—say a quick prayer.  Don’t be fancy.  Just a quick prayer for this day.  Maybe even write this prayer out and read it.  Whatever you are comfortable with.  Be ok if you stumble through your  prayer. Don’t make it long.
• When you done reading—says, , “lets eat” or “lets open gifts” 

So there it is…a personal challenge.  I would love to hear from other tips you may have.  I would love to see 10, 100  or 1000 men respond to this blog and say, “I’m in!”

So here we go…I am the first one “I’m in!”  I will read the Christmas story with my family this year.

A couple of weeks ago I over heard my wife and two girls plan a girls day.  The plan was to spend the day shopping, doing nails and whatever girls do together.  I thought this was great.  Our girls have been so busy lately.  As their dad I love seeing them spend time with mom.  

There plan was to do this on a Monday.  I think veterans day.  School was out.  It was Sunday night and I was preparing for bed.  It was 11:45 PM.  Very tired after speaking three times at New Life all day.  Sunday night I am wired, tired and just wanted to be by myself.  As I was taking a bath I got an idea.  My idea was “I should surprise my girls” and go get them three roses.  This thought entered my mind and left it very quickly.  It was late.  I was tired.  Why should I use my creative energy on my family?  I hate to admit I even thought like this. 

As I was thinking about this another very compelling thought came to me.  “Troy if this was Saturday night and you got a great idea for your message on Sunday…you would do it”  You better believe I would.  I will do anything to bring fresh ideas and creativity to my church.  From time to time I will talk to myself like this.  I believe this was the Holy Spirit gently reminding  is important in my life.  Here is the question I wrestled with this late Sunday night:  “Why do I spend so much creative energy on my ministry and give so little to my family?”  Ouch! This hurts.  Badly.  I work hard on being creative with my speaking, the church and the ministry.  Why can’t I come up with one creative idea for my family?  Why do I do the same date nights with my wife every week?  Movie and dinner. 

I am just like you.  I say my family is the most important in my life.  Then, why? Why do they get the left overs? 

As I was wrestling with this I decided, “tonight I am going to give my family what they deserve”….they deserve my best energy, creative ideas and attention to details. 

I jumped out of the bathtub, got dressed and went to QFC.  I bought three roses..one for each of my girls.   I went to a cash machine and got 15 $20 dollar bills.  I knew a “girl day” out would include shopping.  Shopping includes money.  I got back in my car. I wasn’t sure exactly how I would give this to them.  But, I kept thinking, “I am a creative person on my job…I can have some creative ideas for my family”  

When I got home, I went to the computer and typed out a note saying, “enjoy the day on daddy” “no boys allowed”  “Make your mom spend this money”  Then I went to our family room and took the $20 dollar bills and put them in a shape of our heart.  I put the three roses and note on the money.  In the  morning they all found this money and roses.  I was hoping they liked the roses better than the money…but I was wrong….they loved the money.

The girls loved it.  They bought all types of clothing.  They actually went to build a bear and my wife bought herself a new stuff bear.  They gave the bear so strange name.  I can’t recall it. 

My three girls loved the day.

It all started with one question–why do I give my best creative energy to my ministry and give my family my left overs?  Fair question.

Our families–your family deserves your best.  We wonder why are marriages our dull..well..when is the last time you got off your butt and did something creative for your spouse?  We wonder why our kids rebel..when is the last time you left work early and did something for them?  When?  Why not?  What is wrong with me?  us? 

Stoping wondering why you have a dull marriage..do something about it.  Get a book on creativity.  Copy someones idea.  Do something.  Anything.  When you were dating you actually looked good…you took care of yourself…do it again.  Call your spouse…send them a text…do something, anything.  

My girls can’t remember what I preached that Sunday. Honestly I can’t remember.  But, they will always remember the three roses.   Creative sermons are fine.  They need to happen.  But, let’s give a little off that creative energy to the ones we love the most.

I am one blessed man. Everyday I fall in love with my wife deeper. Sounds crazy and way to romantic. But real. A godly wife is a gift from God. God has showered His gifts on me.

In the past year  I have been asking myself “how  can I  maintain spiritual and emotional health?”  Way to many people get older and bitter all at the same time. I want to get older and wiser.  I want to wake up one day and still love Jesus, my wife, my kids and my church.  This won’t happen on accident.  The  only thing that  happens on accident is we drift spiritually, we hold grudges, and we let the fun of life slip away.  I  want to stay fresh, I  want to grow and I want to be alive. 

Here are four sacred rules I have developed for me.  I call them my personal legalism.  I will be legalistic about these so I  can stay healthy 

Divert Daily

• Sacred mornings every morning (journal, Bible, to do list, prayer) (get up at 6:30 AM)
• Before I go to bed relax in hot tub/bath and meditate  on “go to” Scriptures and sacred documents (The 10:00 PM rule!)
• Extended Quiet Times on Wednesdays and Thursday from 7:30 AM-9:30 AM

Withdrawal Weekly

• Protect four family evenings (Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday)
• Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy (Exodus 20:8) (Fridays)
• Protect Monday “Family Meetings”
• Work from “home” on Wednesdays morning  

Monthly Moments

• Monthly  “Study Days” (Wednesdays I don’t speak)  
• Monthly coaching (Dary, Greg, Jeff, etc)
• Monthly spend some time with Eagles (Bret Allen, Dary Northup, Lee McFarland, Les Welk, Rick Ross, etc)
• Monthly “Travel and speak” outside of New Life

Abandon Annually

• Prayer and Planning Retreat with Jana.  (July & December)
• Summer Break (three weeks no speaking, meetings, work from home)
• Three weeks vacation—take them and enjoy.
• Annually—go to a conference or go see great church 
• Only Speak 38 times a year  (eventually only speak 32 time when I am in my fifties)
• See counselor twice a year (July & December)